What a few weeks it has been....

My beautiful cat Eli passed away on the 31st of July. He had cancer in his stomach and fortunately didn't suffer, but he got very skinny in the last few weeks of his life.

We inherited Eli about 7 or 8 years ago when a family a few houses up the road moved away and left him behind. He adopted us and there began a beautiful relationship with my lovely boy who was to become my constant companion when I was at home.

In many ways he was a fourth child. He was very needy of attention and love. He followed me around everywhere and if I sat at the computer typing he would lie on my hand and half of the keyboard and swat at my hand when I moved the mouse. He would snuggle up on my chest or on my knee if I sat down and was always under my feet when I turned around. If you left any food unattended he would steal it. He came and took over my pillow every morning purring so loudly that sleeping was difficult. Eventually with the aid of a carefully primed claw he would manage to shoo me off the pillow.

Eli was a cat in a million and I loved him to bits. He had a fun personality (though I will carry some scars from his claws forever) and was a wonderful member of this family. My home feels so empty without him here and he can never be replaced in my heart.

Uni has been full on and I feel as if I have hit a bit of a wall this past couple of weeks - though this is not helped by all that is going on in my "normal" life. Things have really stepped up this semester and although learning heaps the reality that clinical is happening in a couple of weeks and I have to go out and look after people in hospital is pretty scary. I feel a bit behind in the study and will be seriously hitting the books over the next few weeks. That's not to say I'm not enjoying it, because I am. I think it is the stress of deadlines and the thought of failing that is scary.

Finally, the building is coming along nicely and they are doing a great job and on schedule too. I just can't wait to be over there. I feel that the walls in this tiny house are closing in on me at times. It is very noisy with my lovely kids and me trying to study is pretty tricky in amongst all the chaos. However it is short term pain for long term gain. Movie below of progress to date.

Operation "Reno" begins (at last!)

Photo montage of the renovations on our house. There's no going back now!

The semester that was...

I can't believe that the mid year break is halfway through! Assessments are over and results are coming in. So far A for Midwifery and A- for constructions of knowledge - Yay! All that hard work and stress has paid off. Only the lovely research paper result to go and frankly, it could go either way!

I spent a week going out with Matty - no births but attended antenatal clinic and postnatal visits. Did lots of palpation and baby checks. I feel quite confident on conducting a postnatal baby check now and supporting a mum to breastfeed. Antenatal clinic is similar although the palpating and fundal measurement is going to take a while to get to grips with, however I've heard that can take the full three years to get down pat.

I feel like I've learnt heaps and Matty has been a great teacher and she is always happy to answer my questions (of which there are many).

We had an antenatal visit with a couple who had an increased risk of downs syndrome from a nuchal scan, Matty set me homework to find out about the absence of nasal bone formation and downs syndrome on ultrasound. It was an interesting exercise and I learnt heaps compiling it. The nuchal thickness risk was 1:200 for a downs baby, but the nasal bone was present, which (from my research) decreases the risk factor further, though this is not taken into account in the risk percentages given on the nuchal scan, other than noted whether the nasal bone is present or not. Very interesting.

The couple decided to proceed with a triple serum test and then decide what to do after that. It showed me that to support a woman fully as a midwife you have to be totally there for her and put your own feelings about things aside in order to counsel, educate, advise and reassure.

Another situation that arose was with a VBAC who is supposed to be trying for a normal birth this time, but when we bumped into the obstetrician at the hospital who had reviewed her we found out the woman had said she wanted to have an elective caesarean. The OB said that no it was more risky and she was a good candidate for VBAC. The woman then proceeded to book a c-section in for one day after her due date. M is not going to go to the caesarean as a matter of principal - the woman ignored her advice and that of the OB but his happy to put her baby at risk with unnecessary surgery. I must say I admired her for her stand on this.

One thing that I have noticed is that sometimes the woman gets lost. We had one situation where a mum had signs of preeclampsia and to cut a long story short was induced, and ended up in hospital for three days before anything happened. She was a bit "precious" as the staff called her, but I said to M that it was understandable given that she had been having this normal pregnancy and all of a sudden it was risky and she had to be induced NOW. The induction then failed to work and she is stuck in hospital for three days with not much but minor contractions.

It is enough to do anyone's head in. I felt that the staff were a little blase about her and wrote her off because she was a hassle, but in fact she was a tired, frightened woman. I have found it a little disturbing the way that some of the midwives talk about the women when they are out of the room (Lordy, it makes me wonder what my midwife said about me!!). It is very disrespectful.

Everyone (including myself) had pretty much expected that she would end up with a caesarean and in the end, she went from 2cm to fully in an hour and had a normal birth - which I ended up missing because I had left the hospital with the expectation that nothing would happen until the next day, so I had a few wines and when the call came a couple of hours later that she was fully I didn't think I should go. I wouldn't have made it in time anyway as she had the baby within the hour!! I felt really pleased for her though, because she ended up doing really well and having a healthy little baby.

I received a lovely box of chocolates and a card from one of the women whose birth I attended. It said some lovely things. I have also had another evaluation back from a woman and it was very good, with some fantastic comments, so I was really pleased. It really is an honour to be present at these births and I can't wait to be a fully fledged midwife.

Following a midwife around...

I haven't been very good at writing my journal as I go. I find that the paper/study/clinical experience are so intense that it takes me a while to process everything before I can write it down.

I went to the Michel Odent conference last week, which was so inspiring and so needed after the hospital births that I've attended. It is good to know that there is a movement alive and well that not only promotes but practices birth without epidural or caesarean unless clinically indicated. Did lots of good networking at the conference - heaps of people I knew there and met heaps of people also. Learnt lots and got to meet the amazing Michel Odent (I think everyone there is just a little bit in love with him - don't worry though he's 78 so Steve is not about to be replaced). Also James McKenna was amazing and probably for me the most beneficial session on cosleeping and SIDS. Alison Barrett, as always was an interesting, funny and thought provoking speaker on breastfeeding. So that was a nice little break from study.

My practical skills assessment and exam are now over over. Did well on the assessment, although it was nerve wracking, I managed to get through it and not cock it up. Exam was ok and I should (fingers crossed) pass. If I don't I will crawl under a rock and hide for a long, long time!

After the exam (last Tuesday) I went straight to the campus bar with a couple of pals and had a wine and then met one of my darling friends for lunch. Handed in two assignments last Friday for my other paper and have got one hideous research assignment due on Monday. Have I started it yet? No. Will I pass. Probably not. Do I care...No...well yes actually because I hate the paper so much that I really really don't want to do it again. I would be happy with a c-...any pass, I don't care. The intermediate research paper has put me off research for life!! After my breastfeeding research for my CBE Diploma (which I was told was a very good piece of research - an A+ I might add) I thought it might be a field I could enter, but now I don't want to go near researching with a barge pole. I feckin hate that paper with a vengeance!!

Anyhoo, I refuse to waste energy on that. Onto better things. This week we are on clinical which means following around my darling midwife (dear friend, and future business partner) like a little lap dog. It is really interesting and I am completely knackered - pathetic really. Just not used to working a full day...I need to toughen up.

We have spent the past two days doing antenatal clinics and postnatal visits. One of our women has preeclampsia and has been induced tonight - so will head off to bed shortly and see if we get a call in the middle of the night.

Today I had one ah-huh moment when I actually felt the fundus very easily in two women..I was very excited about that.

Things are starting to fall into place slowly. I managed to get the blood pressures done pretty accurately and am getting a little faster. Have done three baby checks this week (all bar the hips) and can fairly confidently pick up the heart sounds now. Ok on reflex checks but hate measuring the head - the buba's hate it and scream! Overall really enjoying the vistis and clinics.
It is incredible that every woman is so different and her needs, fears and excitement is so individual. Some bring their partners, some have screeds of worries, others have no questions and some have zillions of questions - it never ceases to amaze me what a huge proportion of the job is listening, counselling, reassuring and supporting. Such a small (yet very intense) portion of the job is the actual birthing.

Had one couple in clinic today with a Nuchal scan that came back with a slightly increased risk of Downs, so sat in on a farily heavy visit with them. Midwife gave me homework to research the nuchal translucency and nasal bone assessments in relation to downs risk (which I have done). It was very interesting and illustrated to me how you have to put your own feelings aside in regard to terminations, ultrasound testing etc, and counsel and support the couple.

All in all a very interesting day. Exciting that another baby is about to be born as we didn't think we would have any babies during my clinical week - so I'm looking forward to it but at the same time it is completely terrifying! So on that note I had better have my cup of tea and away to bed, just in case I get the call. I definitely need my beauty sleep (and my brain does too!).

A natural birth

Finally, two births in the past couple of weeks which were completely normal (well as normal as they can be in a hospital).

Both fast (not first babies) and no drugs or other medical intervention. One was a complete posterior and came out posterior (and I caught it).

I'm becoming more confident each time - although still have freaked out moments. It is very interesting that at most of the birth's I've attended as a student midwive, the women are so tired and wrung out when baby arrives that the ecstasy of birth is not there. Some are not even interested in looking at their babies.

I've just seen the Business of Being Born (which is a great film), and the homebirths on it show that orgasmic moment - something that has not been present in some of the births I've seen. Is it because they are in hospital? Are women not prepared? I'm sure it can be like that for more women - what is the point of difference that makes a woman feel euphoria at the moment of birth?

I do find being in the hospital environment seems to squash that and really increases the intervention in birth. I so want to get a primary birthing unit established in our area so that women can have a middle ground between home and hospital.

Next week is a big week. The plaster cast comes off Matt's arm - at last. Hopefully we will get the permit to begin building so we can move forward on that. And a big week with the Midwifery exam.

The pressure is on, we have to pass or else that's it for the year ...so back to the books....

Stop the world I want to get off!

It's been a crazy few weeks and I sometimes wonder what the hell I am doing - then I go to a birth and realise it is because in my soul I am a midwife and was always meant to be a midwife!

Events in last three weeks - Matt's arm (which will be in plaster for four more weeks), Nana's funeral, assignments, births and lectures - not to mention moving house and trying to organise builders, kitchens blah blah blah. I feel that I need to just hop off for a day, take a deep breath and get back into it.

We have got assessments an exam coming up for Midwifery Practice plus two assignments due for the Research paper (which I HATE!) as well as attending clinic and births. It is very full on and I'm starting to panic a bit. The midwifery stuff I feel relatively confident on, but the research paper is giving me major headaches and nightmares! My last assignment I had felt was OK but just got it back with a D on one of the learning outcomes - it was very disappointing and the paper is an online paper with the lecturers not being particularly approachable. This is one paper where I will definitely be giving fairly robust feedback on.

We presented our community project on monday, and after a bit of nervousness we presented an awesome project and were very happy with the way it went. One more job off the list.

Tuesday night was the last session for antenatal and I've got the next series off, so that will give me a bit more down time. It was a great group and I will miss them - we had lots of meaty discussions and loads of fun! I was still there chatting to them at 10pm when I got the call from Matty that our woman's waters had broken and that she was contracting but didn't want to move so I needed to race to hospital, meet another midwife and get a homebirth kit. So I raced in and picked up the kit. We'd just got it into my car when Matty phoned and said they'd managed to convince the mum to come into hospital. I went up and waited at the midwives station and did a couple of little bits for Lyndon (the other midwife). Eventually Matty turned up with the mum and her partner. We raced around getting her admitted and doing paperwork and setting up the room. They arrived at 2250 and at 0022 baby was born. We gloved up and Matty said to me "you can catch" and then we were looking at the head and realised baby was a complete posterior which explained why mum was in so much pain! So at 0022 I caught my second baby, a little girl. She needed a little oxygen at about 20 minutes after birth but came right, fed well and is just adorable. I showered mum and did some of the baby check and Matty did paperwork and the transfer and we managed to get mum over to Postnatal ward pretty quickly.

I got home at 3.30am and had a nice long shower, a cup of tea and a sandwhich and massaged my feet which were very sore (I was in my "dressy" clothes from work - so had full make-up, boots and not my normal midwife attire!) and I was just getting into bed when Steve's alarm went off, so had a quick chat with him and then grabbed a couple of hours sleep before my day started!

Sam and Matt's memories of Nana

Hi I’m Samuel Carson and this is my brother Matthew we’d like to talk about my family’s memories of my great grandmother, or as we affectionately called her, old granny.

Whenever we visited old granny at Northbridge we wanted to see the fish in the pond. Old granny always used to give us mints or some money.

Whenever we sent old granny an invitation to our birthday parties, old granny would send a card and a nice note back to us.

Old granny loved to do jigsaw puzzles. She gave us one of a boat with 1000 pieces and we have never ever done it. Once when we visited her she had done a whole puzzle where none of the pieces matched up and she had just forced them in. We thought it was kinda funny.

Old granny loved to sing and had a special song she would sing to me called Sam Sam the dirty old man who washed his face with the frying pan . She gave me a nice Christmas decoration which said S for Sam and she gave us a Santa decoration which we hang in our Christmas tree every year.

One year we took cupcakes with purple icing down to old granny and sang her happy birthday and she was really happy. Old granny had some pretty cool soft toys which we used to like playing with.

Old granny always used to get me and Matthew muddled up (like everybody else). We had a big celebration for old granny’s 80th birthday.

Most of all I remember old granny had a really nice laugh.

These are some of my mum’s memories of old granny. Mum remembers working in the shoe shop with old granny. Old granny taught her the value of hard work, taking pride in your work and also made mum realize that she didn’t want to work in retail.

Every Sunday Mum and Gran went to church with old granny and would have morning tea together afterwards in gran’s kitchen.

Old granny would make the most delicious roast dinners and whenever she visited she would always have some caramello chocolate in her pockets for mum and Uncle Paul.

Old granny was away with poppa on a cruise when mum turned 10 and they sent her a telegram from the Fairstar, which mum still has. They brought her back a transistor radio for her birthday present which in those days was pretty cool.

Mum says that old granny was a crazy, impatient driver and a hazard on the road, and she wasn’t much better in her noddy car, but she always would let mum drive her car.

Mum says old granny always voted national and woe betide anyone who didn’t. Apparently old granny gave some of mum’s boyfriends a hard time if their families were labour supporters. Politics and religion were never discussed at dinner when old granny was around! Old granny had strong opinions and wasn’t afraid to stand up for them.

Old granny was strong and was good at arm wrestling and mum said her and Uncle Paul used to hate it when old granny would rub Vicks on their chests…it was very painful.

Mum remembers the year old granny brought Gruncle Peter a bottle of Gin for Christmas, but it was only half full!

The Hospice shop in Highbury was never as well run as when old granny was in charge.

Mum remembers staying for the weekends at old grannys and being spoilt rotten.

Mostly mum remembers how old granny loved her family and that she had a wicked sense of humour.

We all have memories of old granny and she touched us in many ways. Even though she is gone, her spirit lives on in all of us in the memories we have of her.